Kids, Don't Try This At Home:
Nickelodeon's two new Saturday-night clunkers
OK, kids, how about some "great storytelling reminiscent of the Gothic tales of yesteryear"?
That's how Herb Scannell, senior vice preside of pogramming at Nickelodeon, describes the new "spooky stories" show, "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
Yesteryear? No wonder it's such a stiff. In the first episode, two brothers -- the younger one running on nerdiness, the older on contempt -- get lost in the woods and take refuge in a cabin.
Unfortunately, it's occupied by a menacing hermit who looks like Kenny Rogers dressed up as Dr. Demento.
To escape, the boys must solve his riddle ...
The real riddle is what Nickelodeon is doing. This Saturday night the upstart cable network will try to hook the all-important kid audience with a package containing two new series -- "Dark" and "Roundhouse" -- as well as new episodes of established ones, the animated, off-the-wall "Ren & Stimpy Show" and the self-conscious teenage comedy "Clarissa Explains It All."
Kids with any taste will sample the new stuff and spit it out. "Dark" is about as scary as a squeaky hinge and almost as annoying.
It is, however, semi-watchable, which is more than can be said for the frantic, strobe-lit "Roundhouse," a variety show that looks like a public-access channel junior-high skit.
Barely visible through a purple haze, its a puerile ripoff of "Saturday Night Live" and "In Living Color." (The co-creator is Buddy Sheffield, former head writer on "Living Color.")
The premiere riddled with TV references that barely register on the laugh-o-meter, centers on family life in the '90s, complete with a rapper mom and a dad who hangs out in a motorized armchair.
For this, they bumped reruns of "Get Smart" and "Dick Van Dyke"? Bring back Dick, Herb. And while you're at it, why not replace "Dark" with something really scare -- say "The Twilight Zone"?
